Friday, January 23, 2009

unbeautiful

i think i am lacking in drive and motivation to study. This is bad. Gosh. How funny. I can constantly nag at people to study but i am not doing it well enough myself. Shall buck up.

Nowadays,my days are just filled with school,home,tuitions,mugging,ma hmwk,trainings...same cycle over and over again.but well,i guess it has become a routine for me.so used to it that one day,if one of it goes missing,i will be pretty much lost.

My bishan tutee gal is quite an enjoyment for me actually.like i can teach her and enjoy her bimbo company at e same time.haha.and shes quite funny.lend me her little black dress novels and cds.

There are alot of stuff which are better off left untouched.so here i am,ignoring them and carrying on like nothing's wrong.

I wana fly away!haha.and look at everything with a diff light!

Posted by mistifier at 9:23 AM

Thursday, January 22, 2009

i am a big big girl!

this is a really really nice song which i am like addicted to now..20mins more before my lecture starts and i am nua-ing away here....youtubing....




what a great way to spend a lazy afternoon...well. not exactly the whole day.. but i do treasure my 45mins of free time...

Posted by mistifier at 2:48 PM

Monday, January 19, 2009

monday blues to the ult

dragged myself all the way from home to sch *lucky dad fetched* to study.i dun think i did alot. but i guess it beats studying at home, where the bed is constantly beckoning to me. have been trying to study every night but i never fail to doze off in bed. its like a perfect lullaby. with magic spells and wicca.

was studying and thinking about a whole shit load of things. what have i done to myself? the more time i spend alone sitting down in the library. thinking about unsolved tutorials and stuff, the more emo i feel. and i thought watching the wx's bdae video would help a tad. since its so comical. but oh my. i guess it failed me. for once, i feel like weeping when i view such hilarious stuff. its just that whiff of sadness. and self melacholy. everyone seem to be wallowing in self pity. like all of us are trying to compete who deserves the most pity and sympathy. its like that lethal disease that plagues all of us. let me try to psycho myself back to the sunny track. think about all the wonderful stuff that's out there! count my blessings! i have such a wonderful mummy and daddy! and so many friends. what more can i ask for?

every single step i try to pull myself up from the darkness and it is taking so much effort. and i try to pull people along with me too. but i am only one person. cant help much even if i want to.

haven been having much of peaceful sleep the past few days. i duno for whatever reason. but i just keep waking up during the wee hours of the night. and it has been like that for the past few days. i am really tired and i really want to sleep well man. teh sunny side up of all these fitful sleep seem to be bringing qute abit of unrest and shock for my mum.like when i woke up in the middle of the night, i walked over to my parents room and just nice she spotted me standing there at the door in white. haha. and she really jumped. aiya. quite funny. but haha. i really should stop that. my eye bags are getting BIGGER & BIGGER by the day...

i shall pull away! wun take any backwash any more! just hang in there!

Posted by mistifier at 2:51 PM

Friday, January 16, 2009

doing good?

things change.people change.times change.makes me wonder what remains the same.do we have to constantly cope with it or just let it be?maybe i am too concerned and anxious about certain stuff.but it is all for the interest of ...cant say i am selfish.think only for myself right?after all,i am not going to benefit much from it right?in fact,i think i am going to cause myself some trouble and miseries from it.it is weird.but i cant seem to pull myself away.be it responsibility or sick attractions.

I remember how i used to bitch about them changing after being handed the authority and power.i was such a major bitch back then.now i think i am getting back all the karma.full force.smack in the face.feeling it.its only now that i fully understand why they did what they did.circumstances often force people to do things that they dun want or dun like to do.and they know they must do it.even if it means giving ur certain stuff.its hard to get understanding from all.but eventually,as long as my conscience and heart is clear,i believe no one can argue about it.and i can just rest my mind.meeting expectations is hard.but not meeting expections seem to be much harder on yourself.

No matter what we do,its human nature not to be contented.so.yap.

Posted by mistifier at 10:03 AM

Friday, January 09, 2009

what a year.

turmoils began even before the year started proper.its a pity that unsolved problems have to be carried forward.really want this to be a fresh year where everything starts nicely.as usual,things dont always turn out the way you want it to be.
I may appear to be nonchalant,but sometimes,i do wonder about stuff.how things can escalate to such states.i duno why.but i dun understand why we are such complicated creatures.why do we read so much into things?is there a need to?maybe there is.but i wish i am immune to them all.why is it that things dun appear to be the same as what we see?simple is the way i want it to be.sick and tired of all the politics.i might not be directly involved.but i do play a part and the effects are widespread.it definitely can be felt.by anyone.everyone.
Some things are meant to be kept in the dark.but human nature just make us divulge it all.appearing to be doing nothing doesnt mean nothing is done.

Agm's finally over.some good things eventually have to come to an end.after getting used to having xy,lisa,lp,joce with us for the past 1.5yrs,it kinda feels weird when we dun row tgt.bt i support their decisions.will miss them definitely and all the times we shared.its such times that will always be remembered and treasured.humans are always like that.we wun treasure what we have till we lose it.
Right now,i seriously want us to stay tgt.work tgt.towards a common goal.i have faith in all of us.my stand is clear.
I need to clear my mind.start afresh.learn how to control my emotions and temper.think objectively and not let any emotion affect my decisions.
I know things can be easily said.doing it is another matter.it aint easy.but it has to be done.
On the surface,things look perfectly normal and peaceful,but its always such peace that leads to a violent storm.

Nothing is impossible!hang in there!go away all the bad air!i want to see my rainbow after my storm.

Posted by mistifier at 9:11 AM